Pain, pain go away

That's what I have been feeling for the past nine days. Whatever position I take, lying down, sitting up, standing, walking... the pain sticks to me like a Siamese twin. The bone ache (despite medication) and numbness are torturing me, and depriving me of sleep and rest. I have been whining too, non-stop. I walk like an old lady without a walking stick, hunchbacked. Sounds depressing? Afraid it's the situation as of now.


But I think I will survive, like always.

cycle 2

I'm still finding my way around in this platform, so please bear with me.

Finished my second cycle almost three weeks ago. Given the experience of the first cycle, I think I coped rather well with the second one. The good news was that I responded to this new drug Ixempra and my marker came down significantly to 56. I couldn't contain my delight and shared with Dr Ng my feelings. I thought he was trying to pare my happiness when he said, "We always look at the trend." Hmmm.....


I still had the same side effects for the first ten days, intensity lessening as the days go by. I will be going for cycle 3 this Thursday. Not looking forward to it.

new blogsite

My new blog site to keep in touch with my friends and to keep a record of my fight with ovarian cancer.

P.S.
Entries before this date were those from my previous blog at moblog.

new regime, the ninth

This entry was taken from my old blogsite.

new regime, day 13

[2 Jun 2009, 01:38:14 PM]

I started on the new regime with the new single drug, Ixempra. As Dr Wong said, two of the side effects were body ache and numbness in fingers and feet. After 2 months of oral regime, I had to return to intravenous treatment. It was a good thing that nurse KOH aka teddy bear did the plug for me. However, the anti-allergy drug given totally knocked me out, both during and after drip. It left me feeling groggy till the following day.


The body ache started to kick in on the second day and intensified on the third day. The body ache was like being boxed by someone and left me feeling painful (especially the joints) all over. I couldn't sit up, lie down or even walk, every posture was incredibly uncomfortable. Very frustrating. I had to take the strong painkiller prescribed by Dr Wong. It only provided slight relief, even though the medicine could last 12 hours. Then I had this itch/rash on the upper half of my body. I scratched myself raw on the chest and on the shoulders. The other side effect I had was constipation. I was feeling bloated and the intestines were sluggish. I rang the walk-in clinic for an appointment since I was going to SGH to see my liver specialist that Tuesday. Ser was really thoughtful and gave me a lift to the clinic after our usual breakfast and marketing.


At the clinic I was told that I might have to wait for at least two hours. I let the nurse know of my other appointment at SGH. As I was pressing for time, another doctor just took a look at me outside the clinic and prescribed medications. While waiting at the cashier (no consultation fees payable since I wasn't examined in the clinic), this couple kept smiling and waving at me. Turned out that the lady patient recognised me from the cancer programme. O.O!


It was good to see my liver specialist again. She also caught me on the repeat showing of the programme. She asked, "Oh, you didn't use your Chinese name?" I smiled and said, "No lah, I asked them to use my Christian name." My previous liver specialist is back in Singapore, but I decided to stick to Dr Ng. The consultation card had several names of the liver specialists I had seen after the first one left for private practice. I felt very comfortable with Dr Ng and she really showed care for her patients. She saw my weight loss and asked if I needed to see a nutritionist. She encouraged and reminded me to eat well since I am still on treatment.


By the way, Dr Wong too had left NCC for private practice. In my humble opinion, I felt that NCC has been losing good staff over the years. The queue for Dr Wong's clinic was incredibly long. There was once we waited for two and a half hours. There was a patient then who said Dr Wong is a "big shot" doctor and yet refused to see another doctor when the nurse suggested. The patient claimed that she saw another doctor and wasn't happy/satisfied. She and her spouse certainly showed their impatience and dissatisfaction for the long wait.


I'm always grateful and thankful to the doctors who have/had taken care of me. Sometime ago, my ex-classmate called to say she saw me on tv and shared that she has been diagnosed with br.east cancer. She went to NCC initially but changed to another hospital after she found the doctor not quite whom she wanted. That was another reminder that my doctors "rock"! My Chinese physician is just as wonderful. Blessed me!


It's been a month since I last posted. I'm still on this battle against cancer. Sometimes it feels easier to give up, especially when the side effects are in full swing and the fighting seems futile. There are more "down" times but within those times, there exists "up" moments, albeit short ones. These short moments sometimes provide me impetus to continue. I very much prefer to be left alone although I must say that my friends are always there for me. Don't worry, if I ever need anything from my friends, I won't hesitate to ask. Promise!


Oh, the hair has started to drop since Sunday and I'm going for the shave this evening. I have a new wig to play with, courtesy of Lyn. She also bought me the last one five years ago. I'm just wondering if I'm brave enough to just wear bandanas. Yati, the lab technician, suggested wearing a hat with jeans. She said I'm petite and should look quite "stylo" in that. Haha!

regime#8, stop

good, bad and bald?

[30 Apr 2009, 03:23:42 PM]

Good: blood count all ok, despite not eating much
Bad: (a) marker shot up to 208, suggesting current regime not working for me
(b) blood pressure measured at the clinic was at all-time high of 171/117
(c) protein found in urine
Bald: going to try ixempra, which means I'm going bald again

regime#8, cycle 2

cycle 2

[21 Apr 2009, 03:23:53 PM]

It's been awhile since my last update. It has been a challenging two-month and still is as of now. The side effects are not quite the same in intensity as my previous ones. So far, I have lost more than 2kg, and is back to my pre-diagnosis weight of 41.3kg. I look so ghastly.


When I went to see Dr Wong early this month, I highlighted to her the side effects I was having in cycle one. I was feeling better (end of cycle 1) but alas, before I could recharge and rebuild, cycle 2 began. I was specific in describing my problems and Dr Wong was able to prescribe medications to relief the side effects. Though the medications did help, I still had to suffer at least two days on the weeks I was on my chemo oral drug.


After consulting Zhang yishi, I drank special-need milk powder with ginger juice. At least the milk supplies 50% (1 packet) of the daily nutrients required and is a good source of protein. Perhaps that helps in maintaining my weight inspite of same side effects. I think I'm getting to know the medications (and the accompanying effects) I'm on better now.


Dr Wong mentioned that perhaps we needed to think about marginal benefits vs bad side effects and quality of life of this regime. When I went to see Dr See last Saturday, she suggested continuing as long as the marker is below 200, but with adjusted dosage of sorafenib. In case you are wondering what side effects I had, well, on the day I took Navelbine (which is already low dose), I vomitted for at least 2 hours. The oden tablet so far only worked once. I think I'm the puking kind -- puke to get better. Concurrently, I had diarrhea. Sometimes I had low-grade fever on the same day. The food-poisoning type of symptons lasted two days. The vomitting would stop but not the diarrhea. That explained my inability to be out of my room, because I needed to sprint to the toilet. My appetite was greatly affected too, or should I say I had no appetite to eat or drink. Just lying on the bed, fighting it out with the side effects, which I'm getting better at.


Off topic, I laughed when I read the article in the newspapers about brown fats and researchers are thinking of using it to help people lose weight. I even saw it on the news. Ha!


For reference:
side effects: vomitting, diarrhea, thinning hairline, stomach and abdominal wind (lots!), dry skin, pain at middle joint of thumbs, abdominal cramps, always wanting to burp (too much air in stomach), stomach and intestines always making "symphony sound"

medications: oden (anti-vomitting), aromag (antacid --- this is really effective) and one more for diarrhea

diet: stay off vegetables that cause wind, liquid diet like porridge and special-needs milk with ginger juice, vitagen on no-diarrhea days to replenish (?) good bacteria, black dates with black sugar and ginger water to boost platelet count, lotus root soup with peanuts (those with skin on) to boost platelet count, no spicy food as it burns my tongue

others: frame of mind is unlike previous regime, i.e. no forgetfulness, no memory loss, and is able to think logically and analyse (on no side-effects days), less mood swings except on those 2 days (really feel like dying!)


Sorry I'm not up to having visitors. I appreciate your thoughts and concern. Till the next update, take care!

regime#8, day2

Regime #8, day 2

[3 Mar 2009, 05:04:36 PM]

After a week of deliberation, it was decided that I should try a new cocktail. Of course I could rest a little longer and not do anything. I chose not to wait. With the CNY celebrations and low platelet count rest period, I believed I had rested almost two months.


Decided to do the sorafenib and navelbine oral regime. I think my veins, my flesh, and myself need recuperating. Dr Wong put me on a low dosage first and would monitor my response. I chose to start yesterday, being a new month. Five hours after I consumed the pills, I became a "sprinter"... sprinting to the toilet! I had diarrhea which lasted till almost ten at night. This was in stark contrast to the previous regime where I had constipation. Such extreme! Afraid of being dehydrated and weak, I drank "porridge water". However, the more I drank, the more I lost. The toilet bowl was totally bombed out! Hahaha.


I sent out an sms to LX requesting for prayer support as I was feeling really lousy and miserable. I skipped my BSF class last night and asked Estella to help me collect the notes. Don't believe I could and should attend class at all in that state. I was glad when the "sprinting" finally stopped before ten.


This morning the helper made a concoction of "black dates with black sugar and ginger slices". I was greeted with a cup of warm "porridge water" when I woke up, which soothed my empty stomach. I am still experiencing occasional abdominal pain, but certainly feeling much better now. ^_^