Estella dropped by on Saturday. It was because her student (who lives in my block) was not home and she had already torn a carpark coupon. Ah, sweet Estella. Our friendship went all the way back to secondary school; we were sec 2 classmates. We got closer during the last few years. If you think I am brave, you should see her.
I am very thankful our paths crossed eight years ago. She is one tough lady and one whom I admire alot too. Before I was sick, we used to go for movies together, especially during the holidays. Infact before I discovered my illness, we went for a movie together. She sent me an sms to say that we should book our tickets through the internet for our next movie. Imagine her shock when I replied her that I wouldn't be able to watch movies for some time to come and that I have cancer. She visited me many times when I was home recuperating after an operation and during my first chemotherapy. She prayed with and for me, passed me lotsa leftlets about healing and healthy living, brought me to her cell group and got them to pray for me. She bought me the book "A Purpose Driven Life". I was the one who nudged her on taking up BSF classes. And she in turn, nudged Amy.
I believe God made our paths cross. She has been a great encouragement to me. She treats me as if, how should I put it, I am normal. She shares with me her problems, just like before. She asks me for opinions on certain matters we both face or even those which you would only share with close friends. I am grateful she values my comments and viewpoints. Despite what she is going through, she makes time for me (as well as another friend, Amy), to ask about my progress. And she is always so cheerful, embracing life with so much vigour.
Whenever I think of her, it warms my heart to have such a great friend. One who looks beyond her own problems and yet makes time for others who are in need. One who still believes strongly in living well and happy, not looking at her own circumstances. One who encourages others who are disheartened. One whose strength and cheerfulness I will remember fondly with admiration.
It is said, a close-by neighbour is better than a distant cousin. How true. My breakfast "kakees" are actually my neighbours who are also my friends, except Ivy who doesn't live in this block. Jen has always been looked upon as the "big sister". She is the one who knows almost everyone in this block and connects all of us. In the past we used to have block parties at the void deck, potluck style. However, the big group had dwindled to just the four of us.
When I was first diagnosed with cancer, it took me a while before telling them. Janet came to know about it through musketeer sheep. When Jen heard about it, she couldn't sleep that night, wondering why it had to happen to me. Someone who has always been careful of her diet and one who believes in natural remedies. Jen, Liz, Grace and Ser had always gone for breakfast together, even before I was ill. During the the first chemotherapy I had, they were always dropping by before and after my treatments to cheer me on. Not forgetting the food they bought or brought or cooked. Jen has been most helpful with cooking and marketing. Even today, she teaches the helper how to cook some basic dishes. Her helpfulness extends to the other neighbours as well. What touched me most was the time she cut her hair as short as mine when I went out with them without my wig. It was funny when people thought we were sisters.
Ser is the one who drives us around every week for our breakfast outings. Even if it is only the two of us, she still brings me out, having breakfast together. Liz is the cheerful one. Janet who doesn't join us for breakfast would always pop by to chat. She is one of my emotional garbage bins. Our weekly breakfast outing has become part of my routine and life these days. How did I get myself into this group? I asked them. Last year, before my relapse. It is amazing how we have become so close.
We are not of the same faith, but it doesn't matter. Ser and Jen's significant other would send me to BSF classes when "Shuai Ge" couldn't do so. Even if it meant going out in the rain. The neighbourliness in this block reminds me of "kampong" days where everyone helped and looked out for each other. I used to ask God why He didn't let me stay in some private landed property. Now I know the reason.
Edited: I should add that sharing of food with friendly neighours have helped to widen each other's tastes and acceptance of new flavours. Musketeers should not take for granted their current wide food range. Jen is the "kueh" and "noodles/beehoon/hor fun/rice" expert. Ser is a vegetarian but she makes nice sushis, mee siam and vegetarian food. Liz cooks delicious Hainanese chicken rice, "chop suey" and a mean cabbage with long bean rice (one of my favaourites). Janet used to share with us auntie's curry chicken, curry yong tau hoo and dark sauce meat. And me? The daring one who tries and experiments the "ang moh" recipes. The musketeers indeed are the blessed ones. You could say these breakfast "kakees" along with some others help shape their tastebuds.
If the thoughts seem incoherent, blame it on the super swollen tongue with several big ulcers and pain.
SH was the one who brought us into this church. We have been attending its services since then. Through him and LX we got to know the other church brothers and sisters. They have been a great supporting group too during the last two and a half years.
I was touched when "Shuai Ge" told me that they have designated half past ten every night to pray for me. After my operation two years ago, several of them came up to me and extended their hands of friendship. Some even sourced relevant books for me to read (and those Chinese books really helped!). I remembered when I embarked on laughter therapy, they sms-ed me jokes (they still do so now) and one lent me a joke-book. We do meet outside of church activities for sharing and encouragement. They are also the ones I always sent prayer request sms-es to. Though we may not have known each other for a long time (most of them have known each other for more than ten years), the ability and open-ness to share and the gradual understanding of each other have certainly brought us closer. What is most encouraging to me is knowing "Shuai Ge" has his own support group in them too.
LX's two sisters are part of this group as they are in the prayer sms-es loop. They have been very supportive. Infact her pastor brother-in-law visited me when I had my first chemo. Like I said, it takes a "whole kampong" to nurse me. By that I also mean my friends and some of their family members. LX and SH did quite alot for us, despite their own busy schedules and commitments. They never failed to come to our aid, especially during emergencies. They even helped celebrate the musketeers' birthdays. Recently a church couple spent some time talking to musketeer yangguo about their findings and his education options. They are not obliged to do so, as I told yangguo, but they did. Such kind intentions and thoughts are much and should be appreciated (not to be taken for granted).
Sister Rue never failed to cheer me up with her flowers. It was through her mother-in-law that I was guided to seek medical help in SGH and got to meet my surgical onco. Aunt Tan always hugs me whenever she sees me in church and would speak gentle words of encouragement. It must also be mentioned she and sister Rue would visit me occasionally.
Ah! How can I ever reciprocate such kind gestures? Not that they are seeking any form of gratitude. All the sweet people I get to know and meet have certainly made my journey a more bearable and memorable one. And certainly one of gratitude and thanksgivings.
There is an African saying which says, it takes a whole village to discipline a child. In my case, it takes a whole "kampong" to nurse me. As I have said in my earlier entries, my blog would not be complete without entries about my support groups, the group of people who have journeyed and are still walking with me through this dark valley.
If my blog is only about my illness, I think, after a while, people will get bored reading it. Haha... Let's see... there are several "support" groups who are in this battle with me. In no particular order of importance or preference or whatever, they are *drums roll*:
(1) churchies,
(2) breakfast "kakees" and sweet neighbours,
(3) online friends who are now real life friends (*muacks*) (I call them young youth group),
(4) long time, life long secondary school friends (also prayer buddies, co-group),
(5) ex colleagues and their significant other halves and family members,
(6) good friend, Estella and her cell group members who are praying for me too,
(7) "Shuai Ge"'s support group which includes colleagues, ex colleagues and friends,
(8) SSN Tan and counsellor Eng,
(9) besties, Joyce, Lyn and Fiona,
(10) moblog community,
(11) other friends not in any of the above groups and
(12) families.
Wow! I didn't realise so many groups till I actually counted. How blessed I am indeed to be surrounded with so much love, care, concern and encouragement. ^________^
I think I shall begin with my co-group, my secondary school classmates. If you have been reading my blog, they need no introduction, not much anyway. Our friendship dated wayyyyyyy back... even longer than the ages of some of the young youths. (now, now, stop counting how old I am... =X)
The seven of us (me, Anne, SC, SK, TA, Nanz and CM) were in the same faculty in NUS. Included in this group is A who lives in KL, Malaysia. SK has literally dropped out of the communications loop. Nanz is now an American citizen and she keeps in contact with her occasional emails.
Despite their busy schedules and commitments, they still make an effort to keep updates on my progress and well-being. They are also my prayer buddies, something we all learn to do since secondary school days. Our recent gathering was last Saturday, organised by sweet Anne.
I was baptised last year on Labour Day. All of them (except Nanz who was in the States) turned up, including our ex BS leader, KOH and his wife. A flew down from KL and booked herself into a hotel for the sole purpose of witnessing my baptism ceremony (at her own expense). I was so touched. It was certainly nice to see everyone that day, especially KOH who hadn't seen us in years!
What's so special about this group is that we have been such long time friends that it is easy to pick up from where we left off. And we understand each other in an amazing way that I can't really put it into words. We have long done the acceptance part. We are unique, special, asserting individuals and yet we harmonise as a group. I reckon I am indeed blessed and fortunate to have this group of friends whose support I can always count on, come what may. If I have a glass of champagne, I would like to toast to our bonding and friendship which have withstood the test of time.
Edited:
After I did this entry, I was reminiscing how long our friendship is. SC and I were classmates since primary school, so I knew her much longer than the rest. SK was from another sec 3 class, but we knew each other when we met in KOH's BS class. Both of us went into the honours year programme. (She being the smartest of us all, got a first class honours.) A was our sec 3 classmate but she left for England the following year. Somehow we kept in touch all these years, even now when she is living in KL. I remembered looking her up whenever I was on business trips to KL many years ago. TA went to a different jc from us but we were all reunited in NUS when we pursued the same course. We literally grew up and age together. HAHAHA
Our friendship is special. We don't always meet up with each other. Or should I say we hardly meet. It was only after Nanz migrated to the States that I organised our annual gathering upon her return. When I was first diagnosed with cancer, I was hesistant in telling them. SH convinced me otherwise as I would need all the support I could get. I only called TA and Anne and the two helped inform the rest. Since then they have been praying for me. Our friendship cultivated during our younger days (speak as though I am very old =X) needs no words or frequent meetings. We have long accepted each other's peculiarities, individualities and uniqueness. We can always pick up from where we left off.
There was a stage where I could not comprehend and accept the distances and infrequent gatherings. A enlightened me with her thoughts; we have all moved on and our circle of friends have widened too. Perhaps my chio-est zmr, MonkeyCrab said it best in her "He asked me and I replied" entry (yes, yes, I know, it's THAT FAVOURITE ENTRY OF MINE AGAIN.. heehee). So now, when I send prayer requests via sms-es, I trust and believe these sisters-in-Christ will pray for my well-being. Trust, sincerity, honesty and acceptance are some attributes of a true friendship. True friendship is what I am proud I have found in these sisters.
Diagnosed with stage 3c ovarian cancer in June 2004 and have been fighting it since. I've always said I'm a blessed patient. I'm not alone in my fight and journey, with God by my side, my terrific care-giver "Shuai(4) Ge(1)", my 3 musketeers, and a rather big group of supporters.
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